You push my buttons! Thank you.

07 Oct You push my buttons! Thank you.

Button Pushing can be used to your advantage!

Ever have those days that someone will just push your buttons? Oi vey! I have. People would make me and of course I would never do x, y or z that caused it. Notice the words make and never. Watch for those words as those are indicators of button pushing and awareness. I did a Facebook talk on this and you can watch it by clicking HERE.
Our creator made us to be pretty much the same, I mean, two eyes, two legs, two lungs, one heart, etc. There are variations but you get the picture. We also all have the same capacity in us to have the same traits as everyone else’s. All the qualities I have in me, you have in you, Ted Bundy (ok, stay with me on this one) had in him, Mother Teresa had in her. Again, you get the picture.
What happens to us, how we see the world, our life circumstances, chemicals in utero, your family history, your schooling, upbringing, etc all play a part on what traits we express, suppress, or are overpowered by. That doesn’t mean if you have not said “ok, I could maybe kill someone” you are not suppressing that drive… you know that this behavior is not for you. I know I WOULD have the capacity to kill someone if I or my family was threatened, however, I do not have a compulsion to hurt people. We never know what it is like to walk in someone else’s shoes and experience their life to understand why they turned out the way that did. It’s not our business.
When someone pushes our buttons, it can be due to a trait we are pushing down. Once we realize that we TO could have that trait in us, but have denied it, the interaction just lost its charge, its power. One needs to be somewhat objective to do this so be gentle and not judge yourself.

Here is a conversation I have had with myself:

“oh man person makes me so mad when they don’t participate in my meetings! They don’t pay attention and get their work done!! Really? I would never ….oh… ok… Kristen, let’s look at this. Has there been times when you have not paid attention? Do you not follow through? Do you get mad? Yes, ok, I have that capacity in me. I am doing the best I can and so are they. That person’s life mission is not to be a jerk to me”

Sometimes just that awareness is enough and it feels less charged. However, sometimes the awareness is not enough but you need to dig a bit deeper. For example, I see anger in people a LOT and they are ashamed of being angry. Many times acknowledging that we are angry can help lessen that stigma. Here is what I know about anger.

• Anger is a secondary feeling.
• We are angry mostly because we are hurt and the hurt could be the interaction you are in at the time or from the past.
• Frustration is just simmering and underlying anger. Many of us hide behind “oh, I am just frustrated”.
• I bet all of you were told “don’t be angry! That’s awful!”. Know what, you can feel whatever the heck you want!
• You may need to address the hurt underneath of the anger to move that through. More on anger later and moving energy.

Try to observe yourself and when you react or overreact to something or someone. Be honest about the behavior or trait is triggering you. It can be jealousy, anger, envy, hurt, the person is an idiot, jerk, bitch, stupid, uncoordinated, inarticulate, etc. Then objectively ask yourself “have I been _____ , could I be _____ given the right circumstances”. My hunch is, if you are honest, then you can see that trait in your and the energetic interaction will fizzle. Be thankful for the insight and your ability to move past this yourself.