16 May Necessary endings…
My wonderful husband taught me about something called”necessary endings” years ago.
Necessary endings? what? How can there anything “necessary” about losing something. I may use that blender that doesn’t work now, I may need that purple turtleneck that is two sizes to small some day…and how could someone not want to be my friend. How could it be necessary to lose a friendship?
Friendships were the hardest. I could not wrap my head around why I was not able to hang on to all relationships. Why did that person quit talking to me? I felt like a failure and that there was something wrong with me if I was not close to everyone I met (well, I am exaggerating a bit there but you get the picture!). I spent so much time focusing on those who I don’t resonate with anymore vs those that I did! It was exhausting!
I am not the same person I was even last year and others change as quickly as I do so why was I trying to hang on to energy (people, relationships, ideas) that are not resonating at the same level. We all change and progress at different speeds. When I think about it now, it would be overwhelming to have a close relationship with so many people. We all only have so much energy.
We are not blenders (but can mix things up once in a while !!) and are not equal to a turtle neck but relationships do run their course. We have people in our lives who teach us a lot about love, respect, how to handle anger, dealing with rejection, forgiveness etc. I believe we meet people for a specific purpose. I do not advocate using people in any way or coming into a relationship with that lens, but we all know a friendship or relationship can blow up, implode or fizzle out.
Sometimes the ending can be for something that really hurts either party or for no “good” reason like something just came out of the blue. It may take a while to move on from some of those…however, it is best to take what you have learned, be grateful and focus your energy on moving ahead.
I’ve stopped the “what did I do? am I not good enough? I am a terrible person” thoughts. How? When I think about the people that I have “let go” for the lack of a better term….there was nothing wrong with any of them… the energy between two souls and the dynamic changes. Some endings are necessary. If not, we are using our energy counterproductively.
One note here… you may want to look back if you have patterns for how relationships end. Do they always implode? Are endings always nasty? Are you always feeling betrayed? If so, that may be a good time to look at the energy in your relationships. Not to judge yourself but to learn from these patterns.
any of you have necessary endings?