23 Jun Life is about experiences, memories and more moments…
Spiritual Guidance is more than just being in the moment.
“I miss you so much! I am so angry that you left me here to handle everything!! Its not fair! Its now how our lives were support to work out! My heart aches! …. oh, Sorry, sorry I’m crying. sorry I said that I am angry. I know it has been so long since he is gone and he was so sick. I know I am being silly. I am sorry”
Above is a typical interaction in conversations I have had with many people about a loved one who has passed on. We allow ourselves to feel the grief for a split second and then shut it off when we feel embarrassed or think we shouldn’t feel the way we do. No matter how old or sick the person was or length of time since the passing … I grieve and heal my way and you, yours.
I recently posted a great article from the Huffington post called “Stifled Grief: how the west has it wrong.” That one hit home for many people including myself. I still miss loved ones and friends who have passed on but I am over being angry and feeling so empty. For example, my Grandmother didn’t take care of herself and died at 61.
Shirl was like a mother to me and we spent a lot of time together. I was ticked.. I mean REALLY ticked at her for years because she knew smoking was causing an issue with her lungs but kept smoking. Once I addressed my anger at her (anyone who knew Shirl knew you were NOT to be angry with her when she was in physical form!) I was able to heal the grief that had piled up over the years of deaths of relatives and friends. Now, I am thankful that my “mouthy” Grandmother shows up on some seminars I have participated in.
Grief is a straight line right? wrong-o! We all have our path for our careers, love lives, hobbies, friends we resonate with, where we want to live… why would the way we deal with grief be the same for each person.? There are no clear steps to grief and the healing process and yes, it is a process.
Kubler-Ross with her 5 stages of grief (Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) was ground breaking by showing the array of emotions associated with grief. But they are not sequential emotions instead are cyclical. What? be angry with someone who has died? yes. you are entitled to any emotion you feel. Why? This is your path and you can walk in in any way you see fit.
Each person heals in their own way and in the time they need. Your idea of healing does not have to equal someone else’s version of what healing looks like. For some people, healing means they can get out of bed, others can be going on with life as the “new normal”, some people can be back on their feet quickly where others it takes years.
Many people put time limits on their and others reaction to grief. How do you know you will feel better in a few days? years? We don’t. You will get there when you get there .. where ever there is.
In readings, many people are apologetic for crying, feeling their grief or being upset about having someone in their life die. There is nothing to feel ashamed about when you show your grief. If anyone tells you that you shouldn’t feel a certain way, you may want to find additional people to share your heart with.
In my grief process, I found it beneficial to bring up these feelings in a place where I am not judged, am not asked to stop, can feel what I needed to feel and the other person was not trying to take away my pain. Talking about how I really felt with my husband, parents, intuitive counselor, Medium and friends who were OK with the uncomfortableness of grief and didn’t try to “fix” me, helped immensely.
Our loved ones…
• Do want us to move on when we are ready. But in the end, they DO want that for us.
• Know that healing and “moving on” does not erase their memory. We honor their memory when we life a full life gaining all the experiences and loving as much as possible.
• Have never said “its been a year, move on”, “people think you need to go on” “you shouldn’t feel ____”. They know how personal this journey is.
• Love to hear about the exciting, fun and interesting things going on in your life.
I would love to hear what has helped you in your grief path.