18 Apr I'm overreacting? It's not you, it IS Me. Da-Rama!
I used to really overreact. I mean, really get worked up so I made myself sick to my stomach and anxious. Nothing was my fault, I was consistently the victim feeling hurt and angry always looking externally for approval. When I didn’t get that approval, thought someone was upset or I was not appreciated I was ticked!!
I was SO nice! People should treat me that way back right? if not, they were just awful. How could anyone not appreciate me? I thought I was always doing more than I should – but how dare you ask me to do more that I wanted. I would ask and ask for validation that I was OK and it was everyone else who was off. Want to give me real feedback? Watch out… I would get so defensive. Wow. Da-Rama! Da-Rama! Da-Rama! Not only did I feel angry a lot, I was exhausted. Always looking outside of myself for validations took a ton of energy that I didn’t have to spare.
Finally, I was like “OK, why am I consistently treated like X”…. what is wrong with everyone else? Nothing. Nothing was wrong with me. Nothing was wrong with anyone else. My reaction to others was what I didn’t like in or I had in myself.
When I started to react… I added a second part to the reaction “because I wouldn’t/don’t or never….”. Let me show you:
- “How dare that person judge me! because I don’t… oh, yes I do…” I was Judger McJudgerson
- “Why is that person mad, I never get…uh, wait, I sure do get mad…” I didn’t like how angry I got.
- “I wish she quit interrupting me because I would never inter..uh.. rupt.” I would interrupt all the time – I am still working on this one.
Next time you have a reaction, look in the mirror, and add a qualifier on the end of your reaction of “because I wouldn’t/don’t or never and see how that flows. That awareness will help you gain insight into getting control over your reactions.
You can’t control other people, just the lens you see it through and how you choose to react. This is not to shame you or anyone else but to help you understand yourself. Do I get worked up? Yes, at times with situations but I am human and I learn from each time I choose to show up that way. I am however, a LOT more forgiving of myself and other people which is emotionally freeing. I have a lot more energy to be productive with my energy vs destructive to myself.