Anger: the great deceiver and distractor

20 Oct Anger: the great deceiver and distractor

I see a LOT of anger in people and many are ashamed of feeling this way.   

I bet all of you were told “don’t be angry! That’s awful! Good people don’t’ get mad!  SHAME on you”.  Know what, you can feel whatever the heck you want, just don’t let it control you which is what anger can do.     
As kids don’t be angry but as adults almost socially acceptable and expected!
Here is what I know about anger.

• Anger is a secondary feeling, meaning, it is secondary to some other emotion.    
• We are angry mostly because we are hurt or afraid which could be based on the interaction at hand in real time or from the past.
• Frustration is just simmering and underlying anger.   Many of us hide behind “oh, I am just frustrated”.   Frustration -> Anger -> hurt.

I call anger the great deceiver and distractor because it is just that.  It puts you in a defensive stance where you think you must fight back.  I highlight think as I believe anger gets us out of our hearts and into our heads.   For someone who is already wounded, this need to fight, be right and attack feeds into a person’s hurt, drives wedges between others and does nothing to address the original wound.   Looking out for a nemesis vs looking with in is not productive.    
…. Try saying this out loud to yourself. Does this help identify what is below the anger? …

“I feel angry / frustrated because you did OR didn’t do _________ to me (or someone else). And for that i feel hurt /ashamed/ devastated/or___________

<Pause and give yourself time to feel here>

Because I wanted you to _______.

<Pause and give yourself time to feel here>

This underlying feeling of hurt/etc reminds me of _________ (past event)”

Many times, just acknowledging that we are angry can help lessen that stigma.  “Hmmm, OK, I am ticked right now because I didn’t deserve that treatment. No biggie!”  However, you may need to address the hurt underneath of the anger to move the energy through.  “Wow, did I ever react to that interaction.   I didn’t deserve to be treated that way but whoa… it really hurts”.   I like to do some sort of action to move energy.
Attention all thinkers!! This is a public service announcement! Attention all thinkers!!
You can’t think the energy out of your system.   There is no connection between your intellect and ability to work through issues.   Anger can be so confusing as it causes a need to fight and blame vs taking care of yourself and your hurt   
The only way your thoughts can help you is if you observe your thoughts vs letting them carry you away.   If you can observe what you are thinking and use those thoughts to guide you in the right direction, that can be of huge help.   
There is no “getting to the bottom” or “wrapping your head around the reason”.   Don’t let your thoughts trick you into thinking there has to be a logical solution to anger.
Let’s move some energy by a few steps that work for me.  I will be doing a more detailed session on this soon.  I used to get so upset when I wrote that i thought I was doing it wrong.   
Sit and still your mind.  Go through the following steps (yes, I like my steps because when you break something down, it doesn’t seem so big!).  These are also outlined in more detail in a journal on my store .  

1. Bring up and feel a situation where you felt angry.
2. Feel that energy in your body and don’t judge.  

• • Is it in your stomach? Head? Shoulders?  
  • What color is the energy? Is it hot?  Cold?  

1. Is this energy YOURS or does it feel like someone else’s.  If not yours, imagine it drifting away.  
2. If yours, how OLD does the energy feel?  Don’t over think this.  Do you feel your age?  12? 7? How old does the energy feel to you.  
3. Feel the age of that energy in your body and start writing.  

• • Write about the situation and how you feel until you feel a shift in the energy.   Does it remind you of a situation?  
  • After you feel a shift, tear out that page and tear, burn or whatever you need to do to get rid of the story.
  • Imagine yourself being filled up with whatever light love means to you.  Pink? Blue? Yellow?  White?  

How does that feel?  Any shift?  Any lighter?